Positive Thinking in Action

Published March 18th, 2008

Happy people used to annoy me. I was so busy and stressed that they sometimes got on my nerves because I didn’t really believe they could be so content: I thought maybe they were on happy drugs… or perhaps they lived in an alternate universe…at the time, I guess I just didn’t understand. When you’re upset, people around you try to help by saying “Don’t worry about it”, ”Everything’s going to be fine”, “You’re overreacting” or my favourite, “Cheer up”. All good in theory, but if you don’t believe it yourself, it doesn’t change things.

While your relationships and the happenings around you do affect you, you’re the only person who has the final say in your own happiness. You are in complete control of your thoughts and feelings. Every single day, we make hundreds of decisions without even realizing it. At each decision, no matter how skewed, we make a choice. Just like the decision about what to wear that day, we can choose how to accept the things that happen to us. Being happy, and focusing on the positive in every situation isn’t easy in the beginning, and it’s not as simple as someone telling you to just cheer up. Each person has to find their own path, and deal with their own issues that are stopping them from fully experiencing some of the great things life has to offer.

I still am, and always will be on a journey, but today I’ll share with you how I got this far:

Halfway through vet school, I lost my first love and my best friend. Jasper was hit and killed instantly by a car. If he were a human, we would call it hit and run, and the police would have come. Since he was a dog, it was just my poor father kneeling by the side of our country road, by himself, on a cold winter afternoon. The whole thing was a horrible accident: We never let our dogs run around loose, my dad had Jaspy’s leash in his hand as he got away from him to chase after a fox, only a few feet away. In an instant, a complete stranger ended the life of a family member, and left us to pick up the pieces. My father felt terrible and had horrible nightmares, my mother was so upset that they didn’t even stop and acknowledge what they’d done, and I just couldn’t believe that I didn’t get to say goodbye, or comfort him in his time of need. We all accepted his passing in our own way, had difficulty finding closure, and went through the grieving process. Without really knowing it, for a long time, I had lost my faith in people.

Some positive things did come out of this sad experience though: I never again judged a client for bringing in a dog who has been hit by a car. Once learning the extent of the injuries that killed him, I was profoundly thankful that he died instantly and did not suffer. It also made me unafraid to show the people around me how much they mean to me. On a deeper note, Jasp died only a few months after I met my now husband. My husband’s wonderful qualities came out as he supported me during a very difficult time in my life: It was then that I realized he was the one. In some small way, I would like to believe that when Jasp died, he passed the torch and role of best friend on to my husband so that he could carry me through the next stages of my life. Looking at things this way makes me feel like Jasper’s life was not lost in vain, and that it was his time to leave this life, on to what his next life has in store for him. His spirit and friendship are always going to be with me…I wrote the post 101 Things I Love About Dogs in honor of him.

A couple of years later, early on in my career, I had a bad experience as an associate in a veterinary clinic. You can read more about it in Thank You Bad Boss if you like. At the time it was very stressful, and put me in a position that was a liability not only to myself, but my patients. Having the courage to stand up for myself, and leave a bad situation at such a young age has given me the confidence to face so many other challenges head on. At the time, I was really scared, but looking back I wouldn’t change a single thing.

A few years ago, my father received a diagnosis that changed our whole family. We had to accept that the retirement plans they had made and worked so hard for, would be changed forever. It’s a continual process, and at each stage we adapt to what happens next, but this wake up call has brought our family closer together in so many ways. I no longer take each day for granted. I tell my husband and family I love them every chance I get. Now, more than ever, I’m thankful for everything we have, and just don’t care as much about what other people think.

A year ago, things were going pretty well in my career, and with my family, but I was increasingly feeling drained and burnt out. Yes, it happened to me at the ripe old age of 29! I had been working since the age of 16, taking care of everything and everyone around me. Working countless holidays and weekends, I never really stopped to take a good break, let alone take care of myself. I went out on a limb and faced some of the things that I needed to deal with from my youth, overcame some of my biggest fears, and encouraged my husband to do the same. The results are something I never would have believed: By digging deep and dealing with the things that were stressing me and taking up so much emotional space, I cleared them, and made room for new and happier things in my life.

One goal I achieved was starting this website; learning a new computer language, and exposing my thoughts to the whole wide world. What I have received back so far in the support from my family, friends, readers, and other bloggers is more than I could have ever hoped for. I believe, and am open to all the good things I want for my life, and they are really starting to happen.

I look forward to waking up every day. By giving myself just 15 minutes to to some deep breathing and stretching before starting my day, I feel energized, and am way less stressed about facing the day. I feel like the sun shines brighter than it used to. Just like everyone else, I feel sad, scared, angry, and frustrated sometimes, but the difference is that now I know how to cope. I make a conscious decision to look for the positive, and the lesson in every challenge. My focus has shifted to the things I want to happen, rather than what I don’t like.

Anyone who watches TV may have heard of “The Secret”, if you haven’t, you can learn a bit more about it on Oprah’s website, as she’s been promoting the concept for a long time. It’s a concept that has been around for many years, and in many different forms, but it’s partly about being open to the good things, and how what you focus your energy on expands. I still have a lot to learn about it, but am amazed at the changes that’ve happened by dealing with the things that were holding me back, and focusing on what I want. I think the hardest part is figuring out how it can work for you in your own life–but it can be done.

I’ve had a life list for a few years now, but about a month ago, my husband and I made vision boards, in order to visualize what we want for our lives. A couple of days ago, the craziest thing happened: I took a close look at mine, and realized that the background I’d pasted the website title onto, was the very same colour scheme I would later choose to re-design the site, an unusual choice for me…pretty interesting…